"Please don't let me drift too far..

Keep me safe, the same way you are-

So I will always be renewed."

" You'll find in time, the brightest flame will slowly die.

And bear the darkest night.

 

Two eyes and everything that's meant to shine

Will burn out before your eyes."

It is truly amazing what time can do.

Two years ago,  October 8th 2010, I was given a second chance at life, another opportunity to give all that I have to the world.

Looking back at old photos and remembering old behaviors I once possessed, I do miss it sometimes. But when I go back and step out of my skin, I realize that back then I wasn't even alive. I was nearly a ghost, frozen yet floating through life one slow movement at a time.

"Eating was hard. Breathing was hard. Living was hardest." - Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls

There have been so many ups and downs throughout this journey but I would not have it any other way.

People on the outside looking in think that once you look "healthy", you are cured, that the voices are gone, that everything is back to normal. The voices have never gone away.

About 7 months ago, I was told that the voice in my head was coming out again, that the voice was trying to take over my own. I could not believe it was happening again. I think what hurt the most was the fact that I was unable to see or feel it. That's the tricky thing with Ana, she comes up when you least expect it, and she takes you away. She tells you that life will be better if you just follow her footsteps. 

"When you're alive, people can hurt you. It's easier to crawl into a bone cage or a snowdrift of confusion. It's easier to lock everybody out.
But it's a lie." -LHA

I could walk down a path of destruction because it is what I know best- it is simple, it is safe But I know now that I am better than that. I have the strength and ability to live a fulfilled life, so why not? Why take the easy way out? What would I be starving for?! 

Nothing. 

So now- I choose life. I can almost see clear. I choose to love and accept myself the way that I am. I can now see that the number does not define me. My spirit defines me. My spirit is free, and so am I.

Thank you so much for believing in me.

"Keep the Earth below my feet.

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak.

Let me learn from where I have been."

"We are more than the words that leave our mouths,

Drink with the eyes that tell us the answers that we need."

"Light like a feather,

Bright like a dying star.

Wild eyes forever, built to punish and persuade."